About me
Name::Ahmed Arshi
From::Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates
A new filmmaker rising from the edge of the horizon.
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Sensibility
Wake up!
Denys Johnson-Davies
There Will Be Blood
No Country For Old Men
When the time is Right..
Chill Out!
The Kite Runner
The Pharaohs are kings again!
Cloverfield
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Reunion
My good friend Amjad who I met in Jordan came to visit me in UAE from Bahrain, and we made arrangements to go back together to Bahrain by car for the weekend!! Thats exciting, and now that I have met again a member of Naseej, I have 25 other members that I hope to get reunited with once again :)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
REASONS - A Short StoryI couldn't sleep last night. I kept staring on the picture of my wife, who passed away when my son was born, under the dim light of the fireplace in my living room. I kept asking her forgiveness for me giving up so easily. I had no other choice. I was glad in a way that I was talking to my wife through her picture, her beautiful long black hair falling smoothly behind her shoulders, her light shinning smile showing how happy she lived her life, and her eyes, her big brown eyes that speaks of a brightening hope and future. That last part was taking away from her without a reason, she was only giving birth and life to our little boy, her brightening hope and future faded after just moments of her giving birth, she didn’t have the chance to smile and see her own flesh and blood who came out from inside her. She was taken from this happiness and joy, and only god knows where she is right now.
I placed her picture back on top of the fireplace, and picked up my son's picture. Joseph. He looks exactly like his mother, black hair and brown eyes. It was really hard growing up without knowing his own mother. Going to school and seeing all those kids being dropped off by their mothers and the kisses and hugs they receive. He never told me or asked me to talk about his mother; he was scared to cry in front of me. He misses her as if he knew her. I still remember that one day when I came home early from work and saw Joseph flipping pages of my wedding photo album; he got startled as if I have caught him doing something offensive. He apologized and closed the album as quick and smooth and placed it back on the shelf where he took it from. I was still standing there wondering why would he apologies for seeing his parents' wedding photos and I asked him that with a smile. His answer almost made me forget to breath. "I know that this is really hard on you. I know that every time you look at me, I remind you of her. I just don't want…." He kept on pushing himself to say this last sentence but hesitating. I, on the other hand, started to shake but I remembered to breath. I couldn't believe that this is coming out of a 15 year old high school kid. "I just don't want you to hate me, dad" He finished his sentence with tears dripping down his cheeks. I couldn't remember the last time I have seen him cry, I was always so surprised of how strong Joseph was, but right there on that day, I was so surprised of how weak he actually was. I knew that he has been reading his mother's diary that I keep in my study, her articles when she was in journalism during college, her dreams and wishes in her small black notebook that she use to write down her dreams and wishes ever since high school. But what I didn’t knew that he was scared of doing this in front of me so that I won't be sad for remembering that his mother died while giving birth to him, assuming that he is the reason she is not here with us right this moment. I honestly had no answer for that, I could see that he was still standing right there not moving an inch waiting for my reply and all I did was nod to him as if he was right all along.
I remember the day my wife and I picked up Joseph's name, although there was still five more months until his birth. After finding out that my wife is pregnant with a boy, we went out to celebrate and since she loved Chinese food, I had to take her there. After a delicious meal of chicken fried rice, chili chicken, sweet and sour meat balls and chow main, we had our fortune cookies and her fortune said "Joseph is a name that will follow you to your dreams" I thought that this was really ironic since during dinner we were talking about names and this fortune cookie just answered our question and made an end to our debate that seemed endless.
I looked at the time after noticing that the sun had rised, it was seven in the morning. I made myself some scrambled eggs and some pancakes. It took me too long to finish them; I couldn't even finish my eggs. I had to leave the leftovers in the fridge for some other time that I might want to eat something and in no mood to cook, especially after today.
I went upstairs to my room to get ready to head out and see my son, one last time.
Every time I feel nervous, I have a hard time getting dressed or even pick the right tie colors that match my shirt or suit. My wife used to laugh at me, whenever I am in this mood, she would walk towards me, still wearing her pajamas and would slowly pick my tie and shirt and would actually tie my tie for me knowing that I'm too nervous to know what I am doing. Then she would smile and would say "Just cheer up, how worse could it be?" she was always right, how worse could it be? But today I have all the rights to be nervous because this is the worst that it could be.
After finally getting dressed, there was another decision I had to make which took me another ten minutes or so, should I drive there or take the subway? I know it is so silly to think of this now but I was thinking of later tonight if I would be strong enough to drive. My final decision was to take the subway; I always liked taking the subway when you have so much time to just think. Riding with so many different people, with so many different lives and stories of happiness and sadness or sometimes none at all. Students studying, other youngsters reading novels, women with their babies in their carriage, impatient passengers that keep checking their watch hoping that the time they have is wrong and wondering why today's train is running so slow, and my favorite, the ones who are trying to catch up with what is left of their sleep before facing their long day of working on a job that they wish they could quit from but can't because they need the money.
I reached my destination, the hospital. The entire staff in the ICU stopped what they were doing the second they saw me walking out of the elevator. They all knew why I was there. Every time I pass by someone, that person would lower his gaze, if not; he or she would smile softly to me knowing how hard this decision was for me. But I have made my decision, a decision that might not have been what my wife would do neither would my son, but I had. I asked for the attendee and he showed up holding the papers that I was about to ask him for. He knew as well. He handed me those papers with a shy smile, still not looking at me eye to eye, every time my eyes meet his, he shifts them away quickly acting as if there was something else going on in the room to avoid any questions or hesitation from my side about the decision I have just made and signed on.
I walked into the room where I would see my decision in action, accompanied by the attendee, other residents and nurses. I stared at him for a very long time, still not believing that this is actually happening. Asking god for the reasons for putting all this upon me, I could not go on like this any longer. I know and I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I have seen so many reasons for so many situations both in good and bad. But there are ones that you can never understand why, even years after it happens; you never see their reasons, never. We keep telling ourselves that god loves us, that whatever happens to us is a test to see how strong we could take such ordeals. Some even thank god for such ordeals, because such tests prove to them that god trusts their faith towards him.
I didn’t really believed in god that much, not until I saw Joseph for the first time. His big brown eyes checking his surroundings, making sure he is in a safe place. Learning how to breathe from the first time, and trying to speak to me with a language that only infants master. He knew who I was. The second Joseph's eyes met mine, he knew that I was his father, he knew that I was the one to keep him safe, he knew all that and he even smiled to me, his first smile after less than an hour of his birth. That’s when I knew there was indeed a god.
Now I'm standing before him again, but this time he is not smiling, he is not checking his surroundings, he is just lying there deep asleep connected to a life support machine after cancer ate most parts of his brain. I tried calling his name softly perhaps he would open his eyes and look at me with a smile. I just want him to smile one last time, that beautiful joyful smile. But I know that would not happen, never.
The attendee looked at me and patted me on the back to remind me of my purpose here. I nodded and he took me around the bed to the machine's control tab. He points out to me the button that I should press and walks away to the other monitors on the other side of the bed watching them as if he was watching the stock market. I looked at Joseph one last time but still not a single tear is falling off my eyes, I didn’t even close my eyes when I pressed on the button. But then, that sound. The sound of the monitors. The long beeping sound. Made me really realize what I had done. The attendee and some of the nurses started getting Joseph's dead body off the life support machine and dragging it out of the room, the rest of the residents have left the room before I had even pressed the button. The attendee asked me if I wanted some time with my son before they bring the death kit. I nodded softly; he nodded back and left the room closing the door behind him.
I pulled a chair and sat beside my son's bed; put my hand on his forehead. "I guess you are following your mother's dream after all" I said smiling "Say hi to her when you see her" The nurse came in with the death kit but stopped suddenly when she realized that I was having a moment with my dead son. I called her back in for my work here was done with. Upon leaving the room I turned around to have a last look at Joseph who was lying there very peacefully. He was great kid with a bright hope and future but like his mother it was taken from him.
When I reached to the lounge, the attendee was yelling at me to stop me before exiting the hospital to sign the release form of my son before sending him to the funeral house. I looked at the death certificate attached to the form and that’s when it really hit me. Reading my son's name in a death certificate made me realize that he is indeed not in this world with us anymore, although I was the one to push the final button of his life, seeing it on paper was different. That’s what happens when formalities are all what you care about. I don't remember the last time I have cried like this in public, I don't remember ever crying like this in public. But at the same time a thought jumped into my head and I started laughing as I was still crying which made the attendee and the other residents who came to help out confused.
"I'm glad I didn’t drive here" I said.
Ahmed Arshi
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Coming up this September!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
The Dead Sea
We all know that the source of life is water, when the scientists sent those robots to Mars to look for life, the first thing they were looking for is the source of Water. But what if that source of life is actually dead itself? How could that be possible? The only thing that could give life is the most fatal of them all. I stood there watching the calm dead sea in Jordan, contemplating and realized that this beautiful sea had dark secrets, its memories are hidden deep inside where no creature could live, keeping it safe and unrevieled. The only way to keep life going is to stay dead.
I just came back from an incridable conference, not an AIESEC conference but something very close, it was a Naseej Conference, a not-for-profit orgination affiliated with Save The Children Foundation. We were 26 delegates from 14 different Arabic Countries and 6 facis. This was the first Regional conference and I am very optimistic about the vision of Naseej that it will reach it goals.